Toll on Military Families

Stress of separation takes its toll on military families

December 19, 2010 - Russell and Erin Miller met while deployed in Iraq in 2005 and discovered a shared passion for Dungeons and Dragons. Their interest in the popular role-playing game led to their marriage and settling down in Rice, 45 miles southeast of Dallas.

The husband and wife, both in the Texas Army National Guard , now have new roles: Erin, 28, as a soldier deployed to Afghanistan; Russell, 30, as a stay-at-home dad with 2-year-old daughter Abby.

How their marriage fares during Erin's 12-month deployment is a question of keen personal interest to the Millers – as well as a matter of urgent national security.

Two wars and multiple deployments have caused enormous strains within the ranks, contributing to a rising military divorce rate that is outpacing the civilian divorce rate, as well as a sharp increase in mental health problems.

While e-mail and video chats have made it easier for couples to stay in touch, the dangers of war can wear down the feelings of intimacy and togetherness that keep marital bonds strong. "It's all on you," said Russell. "You have to make so many decisions, and you don't get to bounce ideas off each other. And even when you do talk, you lose a lot of personal connection in the conversation."

In response to the strain on families, the Pentagon has increased spending to a record $9 billion on family support programs, including more for child-care services and family counseling.

"Military families are stressed – really, really, really stressed," said Dr. Benjamin Karney, a professor of social psychology at UCLA who has studied military marriages for the Rand Corp., a California think tank that often does studies for the military. {continued}